From the time Kweku was born, I was the one who would generally wake up in the middle of the night to feed him. He was born quite big and, from day one, was on a breast-bottle combo diet. He would have bottle at night and that was my responsibility, so I spent many a night with him awake. When we moved him from our bed to his cot, he slept on my side of the bed so when he woke up, I was closest, and would wake up. In those early days, he seemed to be more about Daddy although there were times when only Mommy could calm him down, as it should be.
We spent many an afternoon with him lying on my chest snoozing while I watched football. We would chill watching music videos or dancing around the room to music, which he loves. He loves the car so we would go on daddy-son drives, the soundtrack varied, depending on the mood and the intention. Bath and bedtime has also always been our time. We are collecting Dr Seuss books and each night would end with my reading him a ‘stoly’ to sleep. It was daddy-time all the time.
This lasted till around his second birthday. The shift was gradual. One of those things that creeps up on you and, before you know it, the universe as you know it has changed. The whole world has become about mommy. Sometimes he just walks around the house repeating ‘mommy’ like a scratched record (for the old school out there). When he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to our room, he goes to mommy’s side. When he wants to go for a drive, it is in mommy’s car that he wants to ride. Bath. Food. Water. TV. Play. Everything needs mommy to be there. As he starts to speak more, he also verbalises a lot clearer. I am told, at least 10 times a day, that I should call mommy to come help him. He generally doesn’t want me to participate in most things, unless mommy isn’t around.
It has been unbalancing. To go from the centre of your child’s universe to the fringes can be confusing. I have read the various writings and went through an ‘inner child’ workshop that unpacked the various phases we go through as child, and know that things will swing back my way eventually. That doesn’t make it any easier.
We still have our moments and our time together but I am learning to gradually accept that, right now, my son is a mommy’s boy. I am still daddy. That will never change. There will be times when he wants daddy to fix things, but mommy is his guardian angel. This too will never change.
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8 Responses
Aww Kojo! Dont be down about it. In his little heart he loves u very much, but I think most little boys gravitate towards mommy. Things will change in time, when he becomes interested in “boy stuff”. Hang in there!
I feel for you Kojo … completely. My 3 year old boy behaves the same way. My husband even says we need to have another baby so he can have a child too!!! They do go on those daddy son drives and stuff but when I get home nobody else exists – neither nanny nor daddy!! At times when he’s with me, he will completely ignore daddy’s calls and if they persist he tells daddy `daddy i’m busy with my mommy’!!! It’s a stage, as Freud puts it ….. so all you boy daddies out there hang in there!
I get these glimpses, these brief moments. I know my time will come. Thank you for the comments.
The turn to daddy moment will come believe me. My son just turned 7 and all of a sudden I am starting to get a break. As a mom, I am now worried that he is needing me less and less (just love being needed), so I am starting to understand how my husband felt. I am now getting comments like “it’s the boys only mama”; the boys are good isn’t it papa?” But for a while in Tk’s life Mama was the one. It was overwhelming since I had absolutely no space. I was followed everywhere including the toilet and sometimes I would just ask him to leave me alone for a minute. My husband used to say in Tk’s life there’s Mama, Mama, and then maybe Papa. But it is all changing, even though Mama still rules…
Kojo, dude you just stick with him cause 1 day he’s gonna want you back in the main spot and your consistancy will be what sustains him. He’s gonna wanna wrestle, swing, hang, balance and many other crazy guy things which us Moms just can’t even watch. Stay close and remember that you are raising a future Dad and Husband. Keep sewing the good seeds of love, direction, discipline which leads to self control and you will reap good fruit.
Totally relates to the story. My son is almost 4. Everything is about mommy. When he wants something he calls on his mom, he will leave his dad in the room and look for mommy. When he wakes up and comes in our room, he has never slept on daddy’s side.
Great piece. Highly descriptive. I’ll have to wait until I’m a father to really feel this flow of events.
Oh boy, I went through that the other way round… Aaron is a daddy’s boy! Nothing is better than daddy unless he is not there, then its all mommy.
It took me a long time to get used the idea that daddy was the be all and end all of his universe. Slowly though he is starting to turn back to me, ever so slowly.
Eventually they will find a balance.
Hang in there and know that he loves you!