Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

Have you lost the spring in your Elastic? Are you emotionally intelligent enough to bounce back?

When life is hard and we feel hurt, angry, sad, anxious or any negative emotion, regardless of the situation, it is important to acknowledge and deal with the situation, bounce back and move forward. As toddlers we will bounce back quickly, like a new elastic band, and then as we grow up and are faced with life’s challenges that are either within or without of our control, each time we need to bounce back, the elastic stretches. It eventually loses its spring, and it feels harder to bounce back and move forward. Emotional intelligence leads to managing situations in a calmer, more patient way and being able to bounce back each day and enjoy your life no matter your age.

What is an Emotionally Intelligent Child or Person?

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to have better self-awareness, empathy, and positive relationships and friendships.  In today’s world it is essential to be able to overcome challenges by being resilient and flexible at the same time. For many years the focus has been on equipping children with Intellectual intelligence (IQ). This means that children in today’s world are inherently smart. They have access to technology and start to learn and activate their IQ from as young as 2 or 3 years old, learning from YouTube and gaming apps.

Therefore, they have the intellectual skills to know and understand their world and environment but do not have the emotional skills to cope and overcome the challenges in life. It is also important to be an emotionally intelligent parent because as parents we subconsciously pass on our feelings and fears to our children.

Is technology a good thing for my child?

Children of today will grow up and live in a technology-driven world. It is important that children start learning these skills from a young age, while monitoring what they are doing. This will teach them emotionally intelligent skills such as self-regulation and balance.

Some Positive tips for raising Emotionally intelligent children.

•  Tip 1 – Identify the Feeling

Help your child identify what they are feeling and acknowledge the feeling.

For example – a child may feel sad because their pet died or hurt and angry because they are being bullied. Emotions are contagious and parents feel uncomfortable and out of control when their child is feeling negative emotions. They will generally default to fix it mode.

Parents cannot always fix the problem, like bring the pet back, but what the parent can do is say to the child “It’s ok that you are sad, you are allowed to feel sad because your pet passed away”; instead of saying “don’t be sad, angry etc” or “just get over it”.  Using negative language associated with the emotions teach children from a young age that the negative emotions are not allowed and therefore they automatically start to suppress instead of expressing the emotions.

Just by helping yourself and your child to identify and accept the emotions, helps to release the feeling instead of suppressing the feeling. Remember – It is healthy and good to express one’s feelings fully, there are positive/healthy ways to express feelings. Behaviour can only change when an adult or child’s feelings have been acknowledged.

• Tip 2:  All Feelings are Allowed

Building a child’s self-esteem and mental wellness is about supporting all their feelings, negative and positive. All emotions can be channelled through negative or positive actions. From a young age we have been taught to suppress negative emotions such as anger, fear, sadness etc., because we did not learn how to differentiate between the emotion and the behaviour attached to that emotion.

• Tip 3 It’s What We Do with Feeling That’s Important

For example:  If a child is angry and behaving negatively by hurting someone, breaking something or hurting themselves, there should be held accountable and disciplined for their negative behaviour, not their negative feelings. Teach them that they are allowed to feel angry, sad, fearful or any negative emotion, and that they can express their negative emotions in a positive way.

Teach your child positive ways to release their anger like dancing it out, taking a walk, screaming into a pillow, punching a punching bag or pillow.  Mindfully exercising or adding movement to the body helps to release negative feelings positively. If you notice the child expressing and releasing their negative feelings positively, the parent should acknowledge and reward them for managing their negative feelings.

Join the MagicEQ Online Quick Course for Parents Today!

Why not start your journey to emotionally intelligent positive parenting with the MagicEQ Online Quick Course for Parents! Give yourself the gift of being the best parent you can be by supporting your child in building their resilience, their essential skills to live a happy, positive life. Join Now!