This was not the easiest decision I’ve ever had to make. I love my work. I love my kids. Not necessarily in that order. Making the decision to homeschool is not for everyone, and although I definitely thought it was for me, I knew it would involve some major changes both to my life and the rest of my family. So why did I do it?
Let me start by saying we were on our 5th school by the time I pulled my kids out of the system. I finally had to admit that I was never going to find a school that I liked because I didn’t agree with school in general. At heart I am both a rebel and a non-conformist and I find the system in general oppressive to creativity, limiting to an above average child, draining on a child’s natural energy and love of learning, and on the whole unnatural (I really don’t believe that any child was designed to sit for 5 hours or more a day).
On top of that I had some particular challenges to deal with, specific to my own children. Both my kids have what is clinically termed as “tactile defensiveness” but which I prefer to call being more attuned to your environment than everyone else! It means that they find certain textures and fabrics absolutely unbearable. School uniforms were a nightmare. My daughter cried at least once a day through the whole of Grade One just because the uniform was bothering her. And for the life of me I could not think of a good reason to give her as to why she had to wear it.
Along with this heightened sensitivity comes an aversion to too much noise. A classroom is not the easiest place to concentrate for any child, but for one who struggles with excess noise it is virtually impossible.
And to top it off, both my girls are particularly bright (they both score 3-5 years above their age group on all developmental assessments) and extremely creative. School is simply not set-up for the gifted child (and by the way, I see all children as gifted – it just takes someone with time and love to find out what their gifts are). They were bored and frustrated at having to continually work below their abilities.
We were also unfortunate enough to encounter some very uninspired teachers along the way – teachers who have no intention of going the extra mile, who are not interested in finding out what the children’s values are and communicating to them in a way that will inspire them, who have lost their own love of learning and are slowly killing it in the children in their care. We did, of course, come across some amazing teachers too, but they were sadly in the minority.
My kids, particularly the eldest, hated school. In Grade One! I personally loved school until I got to the higher grades, and I couldn’t imagine going through 13 years of hating a system and feeling there was no escape. I was lucky enough to know a few people already homeschooling and was able to see the joy and love of learning that had been reinstated in these homes, and I felt inspired. I figured that there was no way that I could do a worse job than some of the teachers we’d encountered, and at least whatever I did would be done with love.
Of course, I am at an advantage. For a start, both my husband and I work for ourselves so we’re both fairly flexible. I’ve also studied both Child Psychology and Education as part of my BA degree. And I’ve trained in coaching which included a lot of information on how the brain works, how we process information, and more importantly how we learn. So although I didn’t have a teaching diploma, I did feel confident that I could make it work. Not that it’s brain-science, mind you. If you relax and allow your children to guide you they’ll surprise you with how eager they are to absorb their worlds.
But it still wasn’t an easy decision. I had to completely overhaul the way that I work, as did my husband. We had an incredible learning curve trying to figure out what the curriculum was and how much of it we actually needed to adhere to. We had to teach ourselves to relax with complete uncertainty and an initial lack of structure. I’ve literally spent the last few months “unschooling” myself so that I can be open to how and what my children want to learn and fitting in with them instead of them having to fit in with some predetermined system.
Has it been easy? No. Has it been worth it? To see my children wake up after having had enough sleep, to not have to rush them through breakfast and force them into uncomfortable clothes, to allow them the freedom to move and eat and play and laugh and talk and be natural children, and to see them blossoming into eager learners filled with joy and curiosity… I’d say yes, it has.
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20 Responses
Well done Mia. You are very brave but it must be so rewarding too. Waldorf schooling is another option as most of the challenges you and your children faced in main stream are not found in a Waldorf school. When I listen to other moms talk about main stream schools, I always feel so grateful that my children are experiencing something wonderful and more natural in Waldorf.
Well done Helen you are such a wonderfull parent!!
totally agree its not easy. Being a teacher for so many years now makes myself so sick and tired of the 'system' in some schools and working with some teachers who just strictly follow the system without thinking out of the box drives me crazy sometimes. I dont know think I can survive in this system anymore. Especially in a public teaching like they have in Hong Kong. It sucks honestly. system this sy
Fantastic article and something to consider
I did homeschooling for two years and it was great, my child flourished in ways he possibly never would have., such as he learnt to read at a grade 4 level in 6 months. This was his inspiration, I was merely a guide. I did a combo of unschooling + Waldorf style. My intuition spoke to me loud and clear at the end of last year saying that he now needs greater challenges, challenges without me. It was quite a thought to grapple with as I had seen myself homeschooling into his teen years. But I needed to put my own ideals aside and do what was best for my child. The way in which the school process flowed was unbelievable, confirming that we were on the right path. My son is now at Waldorf and thriving. Perhaps we will return to homeschooling in the future, or not, it all depends on him. Each child is unique and their needs change as they grow, we as parents, should be able to grow along with our child, unconditionally.
I was committed and got myself all ready to start homeschooling my 3 young kids. Bought a curriculum and was so proud of myself but after 2 years, I have caved in. I became so insecure about whether or not I was messing up my kids…especially because support is not readily available. So, I admire the courage and determination that you have. It is definitely not the easiest choice but the best one we can give our children given today's schooling. Wish I was stronger!!!!
Excellent advice, thanks Marika!
Amazing! I've done the teaching degree and honestly, there are no real secrets you're not party to! One interesting thing I did learn… When learning a language – if you start just by listening for a long time, not even needing to respond – you pick up the language much quicker. Think of how a baby learns it's first language… It should be the same.
Its only up to Gr7 unfortunately, but thankfully we have 7 years yo solve the problem of what to do for high school 🙂
hi nicola.
Does the school go to matric or is it just a primary school?
Adi
I am so fortunate that my son can attend a fantastic school on a farm. No uniform, small classes, brilliant teachers, extremely involved parents, beautiful children, all the sports facilities you need, cheap. He wakes up every day wanting to go to school, both to see his friends & to see what he will learn, & until that changes, I'll stick with the school! But I admire parents that can home school, I think it takes huge commitment, patience, time management & a complete change of mindset from what most of us know, so hats off to finding a solution best for your kids Mia!
Thanks Fatima!!
If only I had the patience and discipline to do it, I think I would too. Listening to the way some of the kids talk as they leave the school is shocking. Seeing the state of the school and it's facilities alone is enough to put anyone off! Raising these issues with the school didn't help either as the staff all seem really lethargic and that attitude is really disappointing. Not to mention that my son, in grade 1, hates school and doesn't see the point in going! Well done Mia, I really admire you 🙂
There are options available other than matric. You cannot just go and write your matric as in the old days – you have to do grade 10 – 12 through an institution with LOTS of extra assignments which counts very little and wastes time. Cambridge is an option as well as the American Adult "Matric" – GED. The children can thereafter do their American SATS and most SA universities accept this for entrance.
Well said. This is why I opened a study centre. There are so many kids out there seeking an alternative to mainstream!
We have an amazing Afrikaans tutor who comes every second week and just has loads of fun with the kids whilst speaking only Afrikaans. I think it's more important for them to learn to speak a language than all the intricacies of grammar etc. If you do a British or American matric equivalent you won't need it for school anyway.
Wish I had the patience and courage
Hello. I was failing Afrikaans in Std 9 – Grade 11 and realized that I had better do something about it or fail matric. I was in a normal government school at the time and couldn't even understand my Afrikaans teacher. So I started talking to me domestic worker who was Afrikaans speaking. We made a deal that I couldn't speak English to her at all. I passed Matric, and at 37 can converse confidentally in Afrikaans. I would suggest that he find someone to talk to – and just do it! Its not all that difficult once you get over sounding silly xxxx
Well done! I went a step further and opened my own school. What you said about teachers is so true, it has been a struggle to find those inspired ones. It was a tough 5 years but I am pleased to say I survived but my children no longer attend my own school and I opted not to homeschool. As children get older the social aspects of school become more important. So my children now get the best of both worlds. But I did move 450km to find the next best school. Some things are worth the sacrifice.
I am also home schooling and it is the best decision I have ever made, my biggest challenge though is that I do not do Afrikaans and this is going to be a problem when my son hits matric, any suggestions? Thank you!