by Gina Jacobson. Gina is a wife, a mom, a Leo. She works for a non-profit organisation. Is a procrastinator. Loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and Scrabble. Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.
Almost two years ago I gave birth to the sweetest most delightful baby. He barely made a peep and he latched straight away. My heart swelled with love for him, once the pain killers wore off and I was able to comprehend the magnitude of our little miracle. For three nights the nurses took him to the nursery and brought him to me when he wanted to feed, I got to spend all day watching this amazing little bundle. He was perfect. I was in love.
Then we came home.
The first thing I realized was that my perception of the world around me had changed. The car ride home from the hospital was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of my life. Every car, bike and pedestrian was a potential threat to my baby. Watching a movie (in 6 parts over 4 hours) made my heart clutch when a child or baby was portrayed, my mind kept replacing the baby on screen with my baby and most times I could not bear to watch. Introducing our three little Daschunds to the new baby was too scary to contemplate, it turned out we didn’t have to worry, they became very protective of our newest family member.
The second thing I realized was that I was an hormonal mess. I remember sitting on the floor sobbing because all of the bras I owned were sticking out of my shirt, I was hysterical, why did no one tell me I would need to get nursing bras that looked like regular bras? Did I mention I was hysterical? The simple solution was my mom swinging past the shops on the way to visit us and arriving with three new bras. At which point I burst into even more hysterical tears because she loved me! I think my husband thought his wife had been replaced by an alien.
The third thing I realized was that no matter what you read, no matter how many people you talk to and no matter how much you learn before having a baby there are things that are still going to make you say “why the hell didn’t I know that?” I read, I researched, I asked questions and still every day brings new questions and revelations.
The fourth thing I realized was that when people say that there is a little piece of your heart walking around out there, its 100% truth.
I’m learning to embrace the unknown, to roll with the punches and go with the flow. Almost two years down the line I still look at my child and shake my head in wonder at the things he teaches me. Every. Single. Day.