By Mia Von Scha, Transformational Coach, motivational speaker, children’s author, student to two Zen Masters (aka kids), avid cloud watcher and lover of life.
Due to the work I do with parents I find that people often look to me as an example of a perfect mom. Am I? Well what is your definition of a perfect parent? If it is someone who never loses their temper, never says something inappropriate, never needs a holiday from their kids, never hides from them, is always fully present and patient and understanding and oozes love every moment of the day and never sits crying in a heap on the kitchen floor, then no.
There is no perfect parenting state that you can reach and then all is hunky-dorey. Parenting is a process of growth – both yours and your child’s. It is a relationship with another human being, and it is always these close relationships that help us to grow the most, that push our buttons, that challenge us. And this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent – it’s part of the deal. You are raising yourself, not them. YOU are growing – as a person.
And your kids need to see you fall apart at times – to see that you can crack and lose the plot and scream and cry… and that you recover afterwards, admit your weaknesses and apologise for any harm done. It is this very humanness that helps them to accept themselves with all their own human frailties. By seeing you fall apart and recover, they know that when they fall apart they, too, can come right again.
So let’s redefine the perfect mother as a woman, who happens to have a child, who lives and accepts herself with all her perceived faults and problems; for such a woman will also love her child with all their limitations and will raise that child to love themselves no matter what. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for – unconditional love? Start by giving it to yourself.
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What a fantastic article , so true.
Nicely said!
thank you I needed to hear that.
thank you
Great advice for all those human moms out there…
Thanks to all of you for your comments!
Thank you for this, I often feel like I am such a bad mother because I loose the plot at times but this makes me realise that I am not alone alone. Great article
The same applies to dads. My wife and I often feel like we're not winning, so it's good to hear others go through the same.
Absolutely! Being a mother, I wrote about mothers, but it is definitely the same for dads too. Thanks Timothy.
I raise my glass to that…..in all its beauty!! I too am an apologetic perfectly imperfect mom with 3 dynamic happy and fulfilled children, that are learning everyday that mom is human but full of Love. I salute you!!!
Love the final line. Thanks to honest parents everywhere.
Thank you. I needed that today.