Remember those carefree days when you were a kid? When the biggest decision you needed to make was whether you wanted chocolate or strawberry milkshake as your treat? And then, before you knew it, you were a teenager and worries were about how good your hairstyle was or if your clothes were fashionable enough.
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There are many trends in parenting styles that change from decade to decade or even year to year – helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, respectful parenting, attachment parenting… So which one is best?
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There’s no escaping it… Kids and technology usage are a reality and the sooner parents realise this, the better. Instead of trying to keep your child in the dark ages (which seems to be the 90s for kids of today) perhaps parents ought to equip themselves with important information that will assist them in keeping tabs on their child’s internet usage without being over-intrusive, especially with teens.
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When a child is in a time-out, I absolutely guarantee you that they are not thinking about the wrongness of their behavior, what they can do to make amends, or how they can improve in the future. What they are thinking about is either how much they hate you and how they can get revenge, or how much they hate themselves and what a terrible, unworthy human being they are.
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The word discipline comes from the word disciple, which means to lead. Leading means being a good example of how things are done rather than telling people what to do. Leading does not involve hitting people or banishing them from your presence. Great leaders are generally patient because they can remember how it feels to not know what they do now and how to assist their disciples in going beyond their current state.
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It’s the start of the new school year and for many children it’s an exciting time. For some though the return to school may be riddled with anxiety and stress, possibly caused by bullying. A parent’s first reaction may be one of rage and anger, no parent wants their child to be the subject of bullying. I’ve come across a lovely book and CD by Alicia Thomas-Woolf that will help parents teach their kids to deal with bullying positively.
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It helps to remember that because children are still developing, they are more vulnerable to any big change (i.e. like starting ‘big’ school, moving homes, cities, the birth of a sibling). Big changes (especially if not prepared for) may easily show up in negative behaviours and/or affect their emotional security (foundation).
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The main way that children learn consent is by getting to practice it themselves. They need opportunities to say “no” and also to have “no” said to them and to learn the appropriate responses. As adults, we violate this in so many subtle ways every day.
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I often say that spanking is lazy parenting, and the reason why I say this is often obscured in the barrage of ‘I was spanked and I’m fine’ or ‘The Bible tells me to spank my child’. The pro-spanking group often erroneously believes that non-spanking parents just ‘tell their children not to do something’. It’s not that simple. And this is where the hard work comes in.
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Hitting a child has always been a crime. However, our courts had generally accepted a defence from a parent that the hiding was reasonable and moderate. Last week, Judge Keightley found that this defence is invalid. A parent who hits a child can be charged with assault regardless of the circumstances.
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Children at a very young age have a huge amount of pressure to succeed. They also lead very busy lives with homework, extra murals, therapies, social engagements etc. When it comes to exam time, there is even more pressure on them as many schools weight the exam mark to count for a high percentage of the term mark.
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By preparing our kids for life changing events, we are helping them to cope far better with the change, and teaching them that there are healthy ways to adjust to whatever life throws at them.
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My biggest fear has always been failure and now, with very difficult tests, I have realised that failure is part of life. It’s an intrinsic part of who we are and when we realise this, is when we embrace it. Parenting is not an island..we cannot do this alone.
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