by Gina Jacobson, a mom, a leo. She works for a non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.
Last year for Mother’s day we were supposed to go to the Johannesburg Zoo for the Mother’s Day concert with my mother-in-law (MIL) and then onto a braai with my mom, the weather wasn’t great and we landed up having breakfast in Melville with my MIL and then went to my mom. It turned out ok.
This year…
This year my MIL informed us that she was going to the Mother’s Day at the zoo whether we came with or not, that is what she wanted to do. She said to me that my mother was invited as well, as there was no reason why we can’t all celebrate together.
I spoke to my mom and, as expected, she didn’t want to go to the concert. I asked her if she wanted to do tea that afternoon or dinner that evening, I also explained that we had a birthday party for a friend of Aaron’s in the morning and she was very non-committal.
Later she sent me a message saying that she was upset that we were putting my MIL first. I told her that we were not, that I gave her two alternatives for us to celebrate and that she brushed me off. To date we still haven’t made an arrangement with my mother.
I almost feel like cancelling the whole day altogether. What about me? I’m a mother too! What about what I want to do? I’m sure the concert will be lovely, I’m sure that tea or dinner with my mother will be great too. But what about me and my little family, when do we get to celebrate?
The whole thing has soured Mother’s Day for me this year and I really just don’t feel like participating.
Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just forget the whole thing or get over myself and try and enjoy the day? How do you deal with Mother’s Day when there are mommies and grannies and even great grannies involved?
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I hear you my friend. I feel the same way… What about ME? I am a mom, a step-Mom… what about what *I* wanna do?
I follow the plane people’s advise. Firts put on your own oxygen mask. I make sure everyone knows what I want, then I sort out the rest of the clan. Good luck! Hope you get what YOU want.
I say do what you want to – if you want to go to the zoo with your MIL, go. And if not, don’t. And if you want to do tea with your mom, do it. Otherwise, just get them each a pretty Mothers Day gift, wish them both a happy Mothers Day and spend the day with your hubby & kid and let them make the day all about *you*…
I have had this as an ongoing problem since I had children. I can’t believe that families find it so diicult to understand that we need to coordinate (especially our siblings). We have similar problems at Christmas and Easter nearly every year. My husband has gotten to the point where he refuses to celebrate Mother’s day with either of our Moms because he says that we should celebrate as a family because I am a Mom too. He hates commercialised family events and crowds of people!
Do what YOU want! As you said you are a mother too. Let Paul take you out & spoil you and send the “other mothers” a sms wishing them a lovely day 😛
I’d like to point out how fortunate you are to have two “mummies”. My own mother is not the “affectionate, celebrating” type and on the other hand my mother in law and I don’t see eye to eye, so I only get to celebrate with my husband and son.
Embrace both of them and appreciate that they both want to be involved, you’ll never know what you’ve got till its’ gone.
OK so here is the thing – the two “wrinkley’s” have been Mothers for some time – you, on the other hand have given them Grandchildren, and, as you pointed out – you are a Mom too – there are NO rules as to it having to be be Daughters/sons who treat the Moms – sometimes the Moms can treat the Daughters who are moms – my sentiments – if they don’t like it – they are being difficult, and you should let your kids spoil you without any guilt. Bearing in mind that, for small kids, if the day is managed well, it is a marvelous experience as well – don’t let your Mom / MIL “stuff” wreck your or your kids day.
ENJOY! – the two adults can join you on your celebration – if they want to….. Or they can enjoy the buffet at the old age home with their cronies..
I have also once or twice experienced the scenario where my mom or gran was making huge mothers day plans and forgetting that her own daughters were mothers too.