I have been a father for over 5 years and for the last three of those to two boys Luca (the eldest) and Mika. I had always wanted children later in life (I had Luca when I was 35) in the hope that when they came along I could actively participate in their upbringing and that everything else in my life such as work commitments and social activities would unquestionably play second fiddle.
It hasn’t always been easy as my practice still often demands more of my time than I may sometimes like, but I’ve been very fortunate in being able, for the most part, to decide how I spend my time. I have been even luckier with the wife that I have been blessed with, who not only allows me the time when needed, but she really is the most incredible mother to my boys. The way she is with them, the patience she shows them, the time she spends with them, her infinite ability to deal almost perfectly with whatever comes our way as a family inspires me daily to be a better dad to my boys. It’s much easier to do the right thing in life when the person you learn the most from is by your side all the time.
I find it quite difficult to convey my emotions as a father through written words as they just seem so insignificant in relation to the feelings I’m trying to express through them. That saying of – watching your children play is like watching your heart run outside your body- kind of expresses it for me. The sheer joy, pride, love, and happiness you feel for your children the minute you see their faces in the morning comes from depths that nothing or no one else can give you. And yet all those incredibly positive emotions are laced with anxiety and angst of whether you’re doing a good enough job as a parent, whether you’re spending enough time with them, did you shout too loud or too much, do you say I love you enough?
No, it’s not easy being a dad. There’s no instruction manual we can rely on to deal with the almost daily worries. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just turn to page 381 (in the troubleshooting section) and know exactly how to deal with a 2 year old who has severe earache and a temperature of 40 degrees at 2:30 in the morning? I wish. But for me it’s those moments that, when I came through them, are the ones that made me so much stronger as a dad and made my family so much closer as a unit. Being a parent to me is about making the time and, being in the moment, with my kids – good or bad.