by Mia Von SchaTransformational Coach, motivational speaker, children’s author, student to two Zen Masters (aka kids), avid cloud watcher and lover of life.

Have you ever wondered why your kids do exactly what you asked them not to? It’s a general complaint that parents have and yet the answer and the solution are not that complicated. The solution comes in understanding how our minds process information.

Believe it or not, our minds process information in pictures, not words. Words are abstractions of information and cannot replace experiences. In other words, if I say to you I’m sitting at my desk  writing on my computer, your mind will create a visual image of that based on your own experience. So all words are first translated into pictures (and again, I use this term loosely to include sights, sounds, smells, touch etc).

This is why we don’t process negatives well. And so, if you say to a child: “Don’t touch my glasses” then they first need to create a visual image of themselves touching your glasses in order to process NOT touching them.  Creating a visual of NOT doing something is much more complicated than creating an image of doing something.

Credit: julianfreeman.ca

Credit: julianfreeman.ca

So, if you want your kids to do what you say, you need to tell them what it is you WANT them to do, not what you DON’T want them to do.

For example, if you don’t want them to fall down the stairs, then saying“Don’t fall down the stairs” increases the possibility of them actually doing that by having them create a mental image of falling down the stairs. However, if you say “Walk carefully down the stairs” doesn’t that create a much more positive mental image of what you actually want?

Keep in mind that our unconscious minds operate in exactly the same way as a 5-year old child, so if this is how you speak to a kid, then this is how you should be speaking to your own unconscious mind too. If you’re constantly saying to your unconscious mind “I don’t want to be in debt” then what you’re processing is the image of being in debt, and you’re more likely to create that in your life. The positive side of this would be “I want abundance in my life” which sends a much clearer image of what you’d like to be seeing in your world.

What it comes down to is this: Whether you’re speaking to your kids or yourself, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT.

Be the change you want to see in your kids.

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