by Laura-kim, single mom, recently divorced with 2 kids and the author of the blog Harrassed Mom
I left my ex-husband just over 3 years ago. It has been one long constant fight. We have fought over custody, maintenance, money, medical aid and everything in between. We eventually officially got divorced in February this year.
His relationship with his children has been sporadic. He pitches for a few weekends, gets mad with me and then stays away. We have sort of all come to accept it. Kiara was 2 when we left, so her reality of him is his inconsistency.
He seemed to be making a pretty good effort the last few months though. He missed a few weekends but for the most part was fetching them and seemed to want to be involved. I finally thought we had reached a happy medium.
Naturally I refused this option. It is not possible to choose one child over the other when you hit a bump in the road with one. I still am not sure of what happened 100% between my son and his father as I only have his version (and he really doesn’t want to talk about it) and bits and pieces from his sister when she is angry with him and tells how she likes it when her dad is mean to Cameron. (she is 5 she doesn’t understand fully what she is saying).
The basics it seems are that they had a fight. My ex behaved unacceptable and treated Cameron badly. He was mean. Did and said some very mean things that a 7 year old doesn’t have the ability to handle.
I was furious. My son was hurt. He didn’t want to see his father. His father didn’t want to see him – which is worse as he is the adult and should know better.
As a result of all that I laid an ultimatum down. Either my ex sort his issues out with Cameron or he doesnt see either of them.
It was probably the hardest thing I have done with regards to visitation. I never wanted to be that mother who keeps the kids from their father. But my kids emotionally well being and physical safety are at risk here. I can not send them into a situation that neither of them are equipped to deal with – I wouldn’t be doing my job then.
As I expected, he has so far, refused to deal with the issues with Cameron.
Its heartbreaking. Cameron has these issues that I can’t resolve because they are not really my issues and I don’t know what happened. Kiara misses her father. The only ones who suffer here are the children.