by Gina Jacobson, a wife, a mom, a leo. She works for a non-profit organisation. Is a procrastinator. Loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and Scrabble.
In our house I get in my car every morning and go to work for eight hours. My husband opens the home office, goes inside and closes the door. Paul is a WAHD or Work At Home Dad. A lot of the time he takes his laptop and sits at a local coffee shop and works. He needs to get away from the constant whining and attention seeking and thats just from our dogs, throw in an almost two year old who only wants to sit with daddy and play and you can understand the need to escape for a while. If only to be productive.
The upside for him is getting to see Aaron during the day, to listen to him chase the dogs and chatter away to his nanny. Paul is also very hands on with Aaron and has been from day one. He changes nappies, gives bottles, baths and generally does everything a mom would ‘traditionally’ do. This has created an interesting situation in our house. Aaron will only let Paul change him and put him to sleep and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he only wants Paul to put him back to sleep. It has its up side as well as its down side. Up, I get to go back to sleep straight away in the middle of the night and I don’t change that many stinky pooh nappies. Down, I don’t have the same bond Paul has with Aaron. It is upsetting when I go to him in the middle of the night and he says “No mommy, daddy” while pointing at the door and staring straight past me. Paul also gets the biggest hugs and kisses.
Not that Aaron doesn’t want his mommy at all, he often wants to come sit on my lap and randomly runs up to me and hugs my knees. I cant help but see myself as the ‘dad’ in our family in terms of the time Paul and I get to spend with our son. I wonder if this is not how my dad felt when he spent all day at the office and came home to a child that only wanted mommy to help her. Is this how it is for more traditional families? Is it something you think about consciously or is this just how it is? Maybe we are not the only family that works like this. Tell me about your family dynamics, who is the ‘mom’ and who is the ‘dad’ and does it make any difference to you? I really really wish I was more the ‘mom’. Im going to have to keep working at it and maybe we will balance it out one of these days.
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I was always the mom and the dad.
🙂
Hi Angel
I am the Mom, I have two girls aged 2 and 6yrs i work for a Non Profit Organization i had to relocate two years back took the children with me, then i started travelling even more, i would get a call to be elsewhere the following day then i had to pack the baby, nappies, food etc until it got too much then i brought the children back to my mom. This year however i am home i still travel a lot, my husband is more home but i am still THE MOMMY, my daughters always come to me, they give me the biggest hugs. Its a challenge though because sometimes i want them to cry for Daddy because i get so tired and need a break.
I recently had a tension attack, so when i had to stay home i did not really get my rest.
I know that feeling. I’ve been sick in the past and really needed to rest at home but with Aaron home it has been just about impossible.
Great article Gina – I feel the same way. Ant also works from home so I totally understand where you coming from – i also seem to do all the discipline and ant is the good guy – riley got him wrapped around her finger
My eldest daughter thinks the sun rises and sets with her father,and always has. He has always been an uninvolved father and since we got divorced it has been worse. He sees his kids even less than the access allowed. But for 13 years my daughter has worshiped him, defended him and blamed me for everything that’s gone wrong in her life. So what I think I am saying is that its also a personality issue and not necessarily who the primary care giver is.
Hi Gina
I have always been mom and dad as my husband works long hours and was not very involved when my boys were younger. Our 8 year old is now in a situation where he wants to be a girl and is quite open about it. We have been told that he suffers from gender confusion as all of his role models are female (at that age all teachers and extra murals are run by women). My husband is now becoming more involved and my son loves it. He is however going through a bit of a wobble now as his life has changed from what he knows it and he needs to rework it. Our other sons who are older did not have these issues so I think personality definately plays a part
Hi Gina,
Your article is great. I am so glad that there is someone else out there that feels the way I do.
I got very sick after my son was born. Pretty much the 1st year of his life is a blur to me. Whilst I was in and out of hospital my son formed such a strong bond with my husband as he played both Mommy and Daddy. I too get the night cries for Daddy. I also get constantly told from my son ” Daddy will do it”. My husband can’t even go to the loo without my son’s heart being broken. I try not to get upset about it but it hurts tremendously knowing that I should have that bond with him too.
I am now pregnant with our 2nd child and sometimes say to my husband in a joking manner that he must let me do everything for / with this baby…..but I think it’s because I also want to feel that strong bond with my child.
My husband and I also joke that when the next one comes along he or she is all mine… although Im not so sure hubby is entirely joking 😉
I know that I will definitely be far more hands on with the next one anyway because I so want that amazing bond hubby has with Aaron.
Good luck to you guys!
Lol, no, not really. I think it makes a big difference how much time we spend with the little ones when they are really young. It isn’t easy getting the balance right and maybe we’ll do it a little better next time.
I must say I am full time mom but when dad get’s home he get’s his attention. I think it’s that way because we just absolutely share the kids in what we do for them. In the evening dad helps to bath them, dress and put them to bed. Over the weekend dad take’s over to give me a break. We work well like that.