{"id":9258,"date":"2015-10-25T10:25:14","date_gmt":"2015-10-25T08:25:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=9258"},"modified":"2022-09-03T16:11:19","modified_gmt":"2022-09-03T14:11:19","slug":"adhd-change-starts-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/education\/adhd\/adhd-change-starts-me\/","title":{"rendered":"ADHD: The change starts with me"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s taken me a while to write this follow up article to An ADHD diagnosis, now what?<\/a>, \u00a0for several\u00a0reasons. \u00a0As a mother I know that all I want to do for my kids is make things better. Firstly, there is so much to report back on. \u00a0Secondly my mind is just so full of all the studying I\u2019ve been doing on ADHD. \u00a0Of course I\u2019ve also had to adapt everything to my specific circumstances and that in itself is tedious. \u00a0Most importantly though, it\u2019s because the biggest revelation of all my investigating was that I<\/em> needed to change first before I could do anything for my son.<\/p>\n

I was so overwhelmed with the support and advice I received when the article was published about my son being diagnosed with ADHD. \u00a0It gave me comfort knowing that others were in similar situations\u00a0at a time when I felt helpless and despondent. \u00a0 In a way it makes things harder to deal with when the thing you\u2019re trying to \u2018fix\u2019 or deal with, isn\u2019t tangible. \u00a0It\u2019s not something I can put a band aid on or rub an ointment on. \u00a0It\u2019s not something that disappears after a few days or heals in good time. \u00a0 I can\u2019t see it but I know what it feels like because I feel it too. \u00a0I understand the frustration, the inability to express how it feels. \u00a0The feeling of being misunderstood and different.<\/p>\n

I want everything in their little lives to be fun and nourishing for their souls. \u00a0I want to make them each feel accepted and loved just as they are. \u00a0This diagnosis made that very difficult for me<\/em>. \u00a0 In the times prior to the diagnosis it was me that couldn\u2019t cope with him. \u00a0It was me and my reactions or attitude towards him that made every day so much harder. \u00a0It was me who struggled and tried to get him to just be\u2026 less like me. \u00a0Like they say, you find fault in others because you recognise it from within yourself. \u00a0(Or did I come up with that? \u00a0Either way, it\u2019s profound!)<\/p>\n

\"ADHD<\/p>\n

All of it actually taught me more about myself.<\/h2>\n

How I always had to be in control of everything. \u00a0How I want life to be perfect for everyone. \u00a0That I had a very mistaken idea that it\u2019s a parent\u2019s job to keep their kids happy all the time and any kind of disorganisation on my part is a sign of failure. \u00a0And this was or is one thing I can\u2019t control. \u00a0It\u2019s one thing that made me feel like a failure because I wasn\u2019t coping with it. \u00a0It made me realise that in order to deal with this situation I needed to change my mind-set. \u00a0Instead of constantly fighting or resisting it I had to embrace it and learn how to effectively manage it all. \u00a0He was brought into my life, as he is, with all his quirks and sensitivities, to give me a deeper understanding of what a parent is. \u00a0I have become more intuitive and emotionally intelligent which I think all parents need and I was lacking.<\/p>\n

In observing him and myself I\u2019ve managed identify his triggers, what makes him restless or angry and believe me, being responsive instead of reactionary has made a huge (positive) difference. \u00a0How was I expecting him not to throw tantrums when I myself completely lost my mind and exploded at him? \u00a0How did I expect him to concentrate with his schoolwork when most times, I\u2019m distracted when he\u2019s talking to me? \u00a0How do I expect him to be self-confident when I second-guess myself all the time? \u00a0So one step at a time, starting with myself, this journey has already become easier just with a change in approach. \u00a0Obviously his symptoms haven\u2019t disappeared and there are many other things we have been doing to help him but the first and most significant was learning more about myself and more about being a better parent.<\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Fatima Kazee in 2015.<\/em><\/p>\n

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