{"id":8422,"date":"2015-02-15T09:39:20","date_gmt":"2015-02-15T07:39:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=8422"},"modified":"2022-06-22T09:29:31","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T07:29:31","slug":"6-tips-for-raising-strong-daughters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/gender\/6-tips-for-raising-strong-daughters\/","title":{"rendered":"6 tips for raising strong daughters"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0<\/em><\/i><\/em><\/i><\/i><\/em>I ‘think exactly like a man’<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve been told, with no small measure of patronising surprise, that I\u2019m \u2018a good businesswoman\u2019 and a \u2018brutal negotiator\u2019. I\u2019ve even been told that, in my working life, I \u2018think exactly like a man\u2019.<\/p>\n

Yes, I am aware of the incredible sexism of these statements (some of which have come from women). But what concerns me isn\u2019t other people\u2019s misplaced awe \u2013 it\u2019s how to share my self-esteem with my little daughter.<\/p>\n

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Photo by Shari Sirotnak on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

You see, my mother raised me \u2013 as so many Jewish mothers do \u2013 to believe that I am nothing short of brilliant.<\/p>\n

Talented. Clever. Beautiful. Capable. Worthy of world leadership, huge\u00a0success and Prince William. (Yes. Really. Mom\u00a0was devastated when Kate got him.)<\/p>\n

You can imagine, then, the extent of my self-confidence.<\/p>\n

Granted, it did dip in my tweens and teens, in line with puberty and adolescent ups and downs, but it came back from varsity onwards and hasn\u2019t deserted me yet.<\/p>\n

So far.<\/p>\n

This has helped me immeasurably in business and in life. And I badly want to entrench similar confidence in my daughter.<\/p>\n

Women and professional success<\/h2>\n

Unfortunately, recent research about women and business isn\u2019t pretty. We\u2019re comparatively worse than men at negotiations and navigating the challenges of the workplace. We\u2019re less able to ask for what we\u2019re worth and therefore less likely to succeed professionally.<\/p>\n

So what do we do, as moms (and dads)?<\/p>\n

1. Reinforce her worth<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s important not to criticise girls about their lack of self-confidence, but to encourage them to advocate for themselves. How? Demonstrate, practise and reinforce strategies for dealing with life\u2019s pit bulls, bullies, expert know-it-alls, conflict-avoiders and snipers. A practical example is:<\/strong><\/em> Encourage your daughter to order for herself in a restaurant*, to learn that although the server is there to serve her, she needs to be polite and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you\u2019.<\/p>\n

2. Discuss the challenges<\/h3>\n

Be honest with girls and young women, in an age-appropriate way, about the challenges they\u2019ll face and how they can tackle these. This way, they won\u2019t be shocked the first time they encounter bias; they\u2019ll be equipped with effective ways to handle it. In practice<\/strong><\/em>, work against stereotypes by involving daughters (and sons) in activities that are traditionally seen as gender-specific, and try to draw attention to, and discuss, bias in books and movies.<\/p>\n

3. Encourage assertiveness<\/h3>\n

Girls are often taught that being \u2018good\u2019 means being polite and using a passive communication style. As parents we need to be aware of when we\u2019re being critical, especially when it relates to girls stepping out of a prescribed gender stereotypes box. For instance<\/strong><\/em>, say, “Stop that please! Pinching hurts!” rather than “Stop being a brat!” Labels discourage assertiveness.<\/p>\n

4. Discourage peer worship<\/h3>\n

Some girls refrain from asserting their true selves because they want to copy a special friend. For example<\/strong><\/em>, if we\u2019re eating out*\u00a0and my little one\u2019s best friend orders ribs, my daughter will ask for ribs too, even though she doesn\u2019t usually like them. The experts suggest that I tell her it\u2019s okay for her to decide for herself; that her bestie won\u2019t like her any less if she goes her own way.<\/p>\n

5. Encourage negotiation<\/h3>\n

In practice<\/strong><\/em>, cultivate the idea that when a little girl asks for something, she has to have a reason. Why<\/em> should she get a new toy, a later bedtime, another DVD, a special treat? What<\/em> do these things contribute to her wellbeing, the family or the social circle? This is similar in a business context. When she asks for a salary increase, she\u2019ll need to identify what she contributes to the business.<\/p>\n

6. Encourage opinions<\/h3>\n

Once your child is old enough to join a conversation, encourage her to speak her mind, even if you happen to disagree with her. If she is criticised or \u2018corrected\u2019 every time she has an opinion that differs from yours, she’ll stop asserting herself. In the real world<\/strong><\/em>, the dinner table* is a good place for this. Ask what her favorite animal is and why. Show her that there isn’t necessarily one right answer in life. And teach her that she can arrive at her own right answer.<\/p>\n

* I’m aware that three of my six real-world examples feature food ;), which should give you a sense of how my mind works.<\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2015.<\/em><\/p>\n

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