{"id":7856,"date":"2014-06-28T08:07:40","date_gmt":"2014-06-28T06:07:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=7856"},"modified":"2022-06-22T09:33:58","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T07:33:58","slug":"oh-pretty-please-for-potty-parity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/baby-to-teens\/toddler-potty-training\/oh-pretty-please-for-potty-parity\/","title":{"rendered":"Oh, pretty please for potty parity!"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/i><\/i><\/i> <\/i>\u00a0<\/i><\/i>I\u2019m losing the battle with my husband when it comes to toddler toilet accompaniment in public. And I\u2019m so frustrated that I need to open the issue to the floor, so to speak.<\/p>\n

So, here we go \u2026<\/p>\n

The loo debate<\/h2>\n

You see, my three-year-old is in the last stages of potty training. Out of nappies during the day but unable to \u201chold it\u201d for long. This means that when she expresses a possible need, I grab her and we bolt for the nearest loo \u2014 with me yelling \u201cLet\u2019s run! Let\u2019s run!\u201d, dodging passers-by and generally making a large, loud tit of myself.<\/p>\n

The problem is: while we\u2019re out as a family, my husband flatly refuses to take her.<\/p>\n

Because he doesn\u2019t want to take her into the men\u2019s loos (in case she sees a penis there? What\u2019s the problem?) and he\u00a0will not<\/em>\u00a0go into the women\u2019s loo (in case he sees a woman there? What\u2019s the problem?)<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t get it<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve assured him that the kind of women who frequent the kind of places we take my kid don\u2019t really mind if they spot a daddy in the ladies\u2019 (even a large and heavily bearded one who walks the fine aesthetic line between hipster and homeless.)<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also assured him that our little one is unlikely to be traumatised by the odd public penis in the gents\u2019 (though I wouldn\u2019t put it past her to make a cheeky comment).<\/p>\n

But still. No go.<\/p>\n

(Do you think he should take her?\u00a0<\/strong>Which loo should he take her to? Or should I just man up \u2014 what a gender-inappropriate verb \u2014 and take her myself \u2026 ? Sound off in the Comments. I need some objective guidance here. )<\/p>\n

Family loos<\/h2>\n

South Africa, it\u2019s time for family bathrooms. For nappy changing\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0for potty training. We need potty parity. I\u2019m asking nicely. For the sake of my egalitarian marriage.<\/p>\n

I know that the US is currently engaging in the debate about daddy-friendly changing rooms, with things changing for the better in Miami, San Francisco and New York.<\/p>\n

In fact, I recently read\u00a0a\u00a0TODAY<\/em>\u00a0article<\/a>\u00a0quoting a guy I\u2019ve followed forever: Doyin Richards, otherwise known as\u00a0Daddy Doin\u2019 Work. Richards says that the absence of mom- and dad-friendly changing facilities is \u201cstraight up saying only women change diapers \u2026 \u201d He says he doesn\u2019t have a problem with establishments that don\u2019t have baby-changing stations at all \u2014 some businesses just cater to adults. His complaint is about places that give mothers access to changing tables, while ignoring fathers.<\/p>\n

The duty roster<\/h2>\n

In the States, 90% of dads report that they bathe, change or dress their children every day or several times a week (despite the fact that only 37% of their fathers did).<\/p>\n

My guess \u2014 based on no data whatsoever, except social proof via my mates \u2014 is that South Africa, with our strongly patriarchal culture, has less egalitarian rosters of bath, dress and toilet duty. But I\u2019d still like to be able to send my daughter off to the loo with her dad, so that I can sip my flat black in peace \u2014 before it turns to sludge.<\/p>\n

Just one time in five.<\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2014.<\/em><\/p>\n

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