{"id":6776,"date":"2013-07-25T15:24:57","date_gmt":"2013-07-25T13:24:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=6776"},"modified":"2022-06-21T09:25:30","modified_gmt":"2022-06-21T07:25:30","slug":"do-your-kids-talk-to-you-going-beyond-fine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/being-present\/do-your-kids-talk-to-you-going-beyond-fine\/","title":{"rendered":"Do your kids talk to you? Going beyond “fine”"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s a typical complaint that the majority of parents have \u2013 that their kids don\u2019t tell them about what is going on in their lives; that very early on they stop communicating. You pick them up from school and ask how their day was, and all you get is \u201cfine\u201d. Have you ever wondered why that is, and how to go beyond just \u201cfine\u201d?<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re complaining about our kids lacking in communication skills, but who do they learn this from? Us, of course. And what could be a worse example of true communication than asking a child \u201cHow was your day?\u201d If you really look at it, you\u2019ll see that it is such a conditioned, automated question that it doesn\u2019t even warrant an answer. We live most of our adult lives asking and answering automated questions: \u201cHi, how are you?\u201d \u201cFine, thanks, and you?\u201d Do you really care how the other person is? Do you want a true response or to get into a conversation about their current troubles and successes? Not really. We know this, and our kids watching us know this too, so when we ask them a similarly unconscious question they don\u2019t feel the need to supply more than the typically automated response.<\/p>\n

We forget that kids are still fully engaged in the world, and we need to meet them where they\u2019re at, not come at them with our adult switched-offness!<\/p>\n

If you want true communication with your kids, you need to start truly communicating with them. Start by asking a question that actually implies that you are interested in them and their lives. Instead of \u201cHow was your day?\u201d try: \u201cIs your best friend back at school today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs the PT teacher still wearing those silly shorts?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho had the most delicious lunch today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat games did you play on the playground?\u201d<\/p>\n

These are just some ideas to get you going, but if you follow the next part of true communication i.e. actually listening to what the other person is saying, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll come up with some more of your own!<\/p>\n

So the trick to going beyond just \u201cfine\u201d is this: If you want a real answer, ask a real question!<\/p>\n

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