{"id":6701,"date":"2013-06-30T22:05:33","date_gmt":"2013-06-30T20:05:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=6701"},"modified":"2022-06-22T09:47:41","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T07:47:41","slug":"talking-to-my-child-about-mandela","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/lifestyle\/childrens-rights\/talking-to-my-child-about-mandela\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking to my child about Mandela"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few months ago, our cat died. My daughter was almost two. For a couple of days she asked where Ingwe was. And then, she forgot. We have two other cats.<\/p>\n

I made vague mention of Ingwe being \u2018in heaven\u2019, much to my husband\u2019s horror. He thinks euphemisms (and heaven, if we\u2019re being completely honest) are silly. He insisted on telling Milla that Ingwe was \u2018dead\u2019. Milla ignored both of us.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Photo by Matthew TenBruggencate on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Mandela\u2019s passing<\/h2>\n

It got me thinking though. Mandela won\u2019t be with us much longer. That\u2019s a certainty. Even if he survives this bout of ill health, the man is in his nineties and I\u2019m hoping for a quick, peaceful passing for him. Soon. He deserves it.<\/p>\n

As people, we need to let go and learn to live as a Madiba-free not-so-rainbow-anymore nation. Whatever that is. But, as parents, the issue is a dual one:<\/p>\n

Two questions<\/h3>\n
    \n
  1. How will we explain to our children what Mandela meant to us, when they\u2019re old enough to care?<\/li>\n
  2. How will we explain death to them, when they\u2019re old enough to understand it?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Who\u2019s Mandela?<\/h2>\n

    I was lucky enough to meet Mandela once. In 2002. To have him take my small hand in his huge one, shake it and make a witty comment. That\u2019s where I\u2019ll start, when I talk about him. I\u2019ll tell Milla he was wise, brave, friendly and funny.<\/p>\n

    I\u2019ll tell her how I sat on our domestic worker\u2019s bed, in her little room, facing her black-and-white TV, and watched him walk into the sunshine \u2013 smiling \u2013 in 1990. Winnie was by his side and there was a bright future before him. Before all of us.<\/p>\n

    I\u2019ll also tell her that Mandela was human. And that we haven\u2019t lived up to all of the promise we had back in 1990 or even back in 2002, because we\u2019re human.<\/p>\n

    When she\u2019s a bit older again, I\u2019ll tell her about apartheid. I\u2019m hoping it\u2019s as laughable by then as women not having the vote is now. Who knows?<\/p>\n

    The way I feel now, today, it\u2019s also possible that I\u2019ll try to explain political agendas, broken promises, lying and greed, as a backdrop to why<\/i> Mandela\u2019s dream has, so far, only half-happened for South Africa. But maybe I won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

    What\u2019s death?<\/h2>\n

    As far as death goes, I\u2019m definitely going to share my<\/i> version, which has heaven and our lost ones watching over us, and the occasional prayer. And my husband will share his<\/i>, which is very different. And we\u2019ll try not to confuse her.<\/p>\n

    I\u2019d love to give you the answers for this. But I don\u2019t have them. All I know is that, when I was six years old and my dad died suddenly of a heart attack, my mom told me that he had died, he was in heaven and he was also always with me.<\/p>\n

    I kind of mixed Dad\u2019s image in with G-d\u2019s (he had a beard and lots of grey hair, so it was easy) and that was the entity I talked to, when I needed to. It helped a lot \u2013 until I got older and realised that talking to a man \u2018in the sky\u2019, even if he looks just like your dad, only helps so much. It stopped working for a while.<\/p>\n

    And then I saw a cartoon by the amazing Jerm, which shows Mandela as the smiling face of the perigee super-moon we had a few nights ago, and it all made sense again, briefly, for the first time in years. For me, anyway. And for you?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

    This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n

    Note: If you enjoyed this article, and would like to stay updated with more, you can:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n