{"id":6640,"date":"2013-06-11T08:32:02","date_gmt":"2013-06-11T06:32:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=6640"},"modified":"2022-06-22T09:51:05","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T07:51:05","slug":"when-the-mothers-the-father","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/moms-mothers-single-mothers-being-a-mom\/when-the-mothers-the-father\/","title":{"rendered":"When the mother\u2019s the father"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fathers\u2019 Day can be a toughie for those without dads, as I\u2019m sure Mothers\u2019 Day is for those without moms. But my mom and I have a special way of doing things that makes us feel better about having to survive without Dad for so many years.<\/p>\n

Well, Mom certainly feels better, because\u2026 She is celebrated on both days.<\/p>\n

My father passed away when I was six years old, from an unexpected heart attack. I am my mom\u2019s only living child, so it was just the two of us from then (with welcome support from my half-sisters, late gran and assorted aunts, uncles and cousins).<\/p>\n

But Fathers\u2019 Day sucked. So we decided Mom would be honoured as a dad as well (and she has, for the last 25 F-Days because, in all of the real ways, she was.)<\/p>\n

She did all of the \u2018traditionally mom things\u2019: lift schemes, homework and project assistance, grocery shopping, fashion advice, boy\/man advice, hair\/nails\/facial guidance, and showing me how to be really kind and engaging to all strangers.<\/p>\n

She did all of the \u2018traditionally dad things\u2019 too, but with a twist: solo bread-winning, solo disciplining, getting experts in to paint and change lightbulbs, out-sourcing my driving lessons to a pro, teaching me how to give brilliant service in business, helping me to buy a flat, teaching me to be a self-starter, teaching me to love wine.<\/p>\n

And when it came to the things Mom wasn\u2019t naturally brilliant at, like financial management, investment and policies, legal advice and technology, she made sure I had access to all of the people who would teach me what I needed to know.<\/p>\n

So, while I certainly missed Dad in particular and having a father in general, I have a strong feeling of not being hard done by as a kid, and of my mom doing just as fine a job in raising me as they might have together, if that had been possible.<\/p>\n

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Photo by Edward Howell on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

If you\u2019re the child of a single mom (or a you have an amazing uncle, aunt, cousin or friend of the family who\u2019s stepped into the breach), here are 6 Fathers\u2019 Day tips:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Write your mom a Fathers\u2019 Day card, and in it, list all of the things she does for you that aren\u2019t traditionally mommy things.<\/p>\n

2. Take her out for Fathers\u2019 Day brunch, lunch or dinner (breakfast\u2019s just too early) and celebrate with manly food and drinks: boerewors, burgers, beer.<\/p>\n

3. Schlep her off to see an action movie. In 3D. If she\/you can bear it.<\/p>\n

4. Buy her a present that\u2019s functional rather than pretty. But nothing crap like a tie, socks, soap on a rope or a pack of biltong.<\/p>\n

5. If she still lives alone, ask her for a list of all of the crappy DIY she needs done: hanging art, re-locating pot plants, fixing appliances, updating virus protection software, etc, and then go do it. All of it. Without whining.<\/p>\n

6. Take her to a spa. They\u2019ll be quiet on F-Day, and you\u2019ll both enjoy it.<\/p>\n

And if you\u2019re a single parent yourself? With little kids? Tell them you\u2019re going to celebrate Fathers\u2019 Day anyway, starting this year. It\u2019ll give them something to be excited about at school and on the day, and it\u2019ll make them feel more \u2018normal\u2019.<\/p>\n

At least, I did.<\/p>\n

Now all I have to worry about is how to (afford to) spoil four fathers: Mom, my husband, and his father and grand-father. Any ideas from the mommy gallery?<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n

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