{"id":6507,"date":"2013-05-03T12:25:42","date_gmt":"2013-05-03T10:25:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=6507"},"modified":"2022-06-22T09:51:31","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T07:51:31","slug":"mother-noun-mothering-verb-different-or-the-same","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/moms-mothers-single-mothers-being-a-mom\/mother-noun-mothering-verb-different-or-the-same\/","title":{"rendered":"Mother (noun). Mothering (verb). Different, or the same?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been thinking about this a lot lately.<\/p>\n

I have a precious friend who lost her daughter 10 days before her due date. She spent seven minutes with her baby, total. But I believe she would have been a 100% mommy. An absolute natural. She was born for motherhood.<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s me. I\u2019ve been a mother for two years. I\u2019m not a natural. I had a rough start. I muddle my way through mostly, at 80% (which is, in fairness, still an A). But I feel confident saying that, 24 months in, I\u2019m a good mommy.<\/p>\n

Now, am I more of a mother than my friend? I\u2019d like to think not. The more I dwell on it, the more it seems that motherhood shouldn\u2019t be something you experience only once you have a baby. It should be something that comes from holding a child in your heart. Even for a short time. However, it\u2019s possible that I\u2019m being idealistic.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t decide.<\/p>\n

I have another two friends. Neither one is an actual mother. But each one has a child in her life that utterly defines her. That is part of her every decision, holiday and memory. That these two friends \u2018mother\u2019 (verb) these young girls is unquestionable. But does that mothering make them mothers? No. (Yikes, this is confusing.)<\/p>\n

So, it seems that not all mothers are intuitive motherers and some women who are unbelievable motherers aren\u2019t actually mothers. Which is an interesting paradigm.<\/p>\n

My husband says that being a mother (he extends this to being a father too, obviously) means permanence. It means having a person in your life whose wellbeing, sleep, food, mess, manners and mood are defining parts of your every day, night and waking thought. Who, if they\u2019re not with you 24\/7, are in your head 22\/7.<\/p>\n

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Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

On this basis, being a mother goes beyond being pregnant or having a god-child\/niece. Because it doesn\u2019t come and go. It just is, for twenty or thirty years.<\/p>\n

Yes, there are people who probably shouldn\u2019t be mothers (Toddlers & Tiaras moms, this means you), but there are so many more who should be. And this Mothers\u2019 Day, my wish is for all of the women who so badly want to be mothers to know the joys, the pains, the guilt, the drama, the laughs, the exhaustion and the snot. To be able to take their mothering up a notch on the permanence scale, to the non-stop.<\/p>\n

Amen.<\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n

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