{"id":4396,"date":"2012-05-12T09:53:37","date_gmt":"2012-05-12T07:53:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents-blog\/?p=4396"},"modified":"2022-09-30T15:20:47","modified_gmt":"2022-09-30T13:20:47","slug":"why-i-dont-envy-stay-at-home-moms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/moms-mothers-single-mothers-being-a-mom\/why-i-dont-envy-stay-at-home-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I don\u2019t envy stay-at-home moms"},"content":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s a lot of contention in the mommy community. Breast-feeders vs bottle-feeders. C-sectioners vs natural-birthers. But perhaps the biggest chasm, and the one we tend to get tense about, is: working mommies vs stay-at-home mommies.<\/em><\/p>\n

This is a letter to a stay-at-home mom, from me, a working mom. And I\u2019m going to say something that isn\u2019t said often enough \u2013 certainly not in public:<\/p>\n

Dear Home Mommy,<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t do what you do<\/em>.<\/p>\n

You have my respect. I know people say, tritely, that motherhood is the hardest job of all. Blah blah. It\u2019s always people who a) don\u2019t have kids and are trying to make you feel better about the Jungle Oats on your sunglasses or b) were parents so long ago that their sanctimony isn\u2019t helpful. I\u2019m neither of those. I\u2019m a mommy who loves her kid to distraction \u2013 and values our precious two hours together morning and evening during the week \u2013 but I still couldn\u2019t be an 8am-5pm largely-solo mommy.<\/p>\n

Because:<\/p>\n

1. Motherhood can be BORING<\/h2>\n

The repetitiveness<\/em> of it. Wake, change, feed, dress, change, feed, nap, change, feed, nap, change, feed, bath, sleep. Yes, there\u2019s playing, cuddling, fun and activities in between, but yikes. It\u2019s the same every day. Even on Sundays. At work, I do different stuff every day. Different people irritate me. And on weekends, there\u2019s a different, kiddie-led routine. The only constant is the coffee.<\/p>\n

2. Motherhood can be LONELY<\/h2>\n

I have a friend who spends all day with her daughter. The little girl is clever, pretty and full of personality. But she\u2019s ONE. There are limits to the conversations you can have with a one-year-old. Especially when you need advice. Or change for parking. Or someone to take a flipping message. At work, I talk to (mostly) interesting and intelligent grown-ups. Yes, there\u2019s social media for support if you\u2019re at home, but at work you don\u2019t even have to try.<\/p>\n

3. Motherhood is NON-STOP<\/h2>\n

The relentlessness<\/em> of it. There are no breaks. Nap-time doesn\u2019t count. (Because that\u2019s when you wee. Answer emails. Brush your teeth.) At work, even when I\u2019m heading for a deadline and you can\u2019t see my pretty nail-polish for the blur, I\u2019ll stop every few hours for a snack, a coffee, a chat, or a trawl through Pinterest. When I<\/em> feel like it.<\/p>\n

4. Motherhood is MISUNDERSTOOD<\/h2>\n

South African stay-at-home moms have (at least some<\/em>) help. It\u2019s not like Europe or the States \u2013 I don\u2019t know how those brave souls have any kids at all \u2013 so you\u2019re seldom obliged to become passionately intimate with the vacuum cleaner.<\/p>\n

But that doesn\u2019t make full-time mothering less demanding, especially when people treat you like you\u2019re constantly \u2018on holiday\u2019\/\u2018free all day\u2019, like you\u2019re too stupid or lazy to work, or like your husband\u2019s so obscenely wealthy that you don\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n

Bottom line? I work because I love it, because very few families can live comfortably on one salary these days, and because I simply don\u2019t have what it takes to be a stay-at-home mom. In that order. My hat\u2019s off to you. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Working Mommy<\/p>\n

P.S. This letter requires a Part II. Look out for the next installment: a letter of congratulation from me, a work-from-home mommy, to a corporate mommy.<\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2012.<\/em><\/p>\n

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