{"id":3512,"date":"2011-06-13T15:58:04","date_gmt":"2011-06-13T13:58:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents-blog\/?p=3512"},"modified":"2022-06-23T10:46:49","modified_gmt":"2022-06-23T08:46:49","slug":"when-the-father-is-absent-a-single-moms-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/single-parenting\/when-the-father-is-absent-a-single-moms-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Mothers without fathers, a single mom\u2019s story."},"content":{"rendered":"

Father\u2019s day is an interesting day in our tribe as my kids do not have a father figure to look up on our single mother household.\u00a0 I have 3children, Michael (14), Steven (18) and my little angel girl, Krysstel is 7. I often wonder how this affects them. Its tricky as a single mom to try and fulfil this role.<\/p>\n

So what have I done in my tribe to fill this very vital and critical gap (especially for my boys…)<\/p>\n

1. Instead of family we call ourselves a little tribe and to explain why, \u00a0I include some word play – TRIBE = TRI – BE = TRY {TO} BE>.\u00a0 Our TRI-BE’s creed \u2013 confirms OUR RIGHTFUL place where we can practice to BE <ourselves> in this world.<\/p>\n

2. We have honest and open conversations. I have found male family members and friends, whom my children and I trust and can talk to about topics they don\u2019t want to have with me.<\/p>\n

3.Talking about sex with my two teenage boys is the hardest.\u00a0 Yet when I don\u2019t know the answer, we do research together to find relevant answers<\/p>\n

4. The most beautiful behaviour however has came from my eldest son.\u00a0 He has taken on the role of father figure for his little sister.\u00a0 He was with\u00a0 me at his sister’s birth, at the age of 11.\u00a0 My midwife said that the birth\u00a0 experience would make him an excellent father one day.\u00a0 Well he has taken it upon himself to play this role in his little sister’s life, and she adores her brother – in fact she really listens to what he has to say – more than she listens to me.<\/p>\n

5. My\u00a0 mothering style is controversial.\u00a0 I am not afraid to show them real hard life, and the wickedness which exists in our world.\u00a0 My children are intelligent, emotionally mature and spiritually connected.\u00a0 Most importantly they are street wise, and know how to deal with tough challenges including aspects of peer pressure, alcohol, drugs, sex and violence.\u00a0 They know that there is one person that they can always count on, when they are in trouble, when they need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.\u00a0 I might bark at their bad behaviour but I never bite!<\/p>\n

I often wonder how\u00a0 child headed families cope. How can we as communities assist and support these families in filling the gaps of absent role models so needed in a child\u2019s life.?<\/p>\n

In conclusion however, I want to honour all real fathers out there.\u00a0 A facebook friend, Theo Geldenhuys had a kidney transplant a year ago and was told by doctors that he will never have children.\u00a0 His baby girl, Zoe was born a week ago. I asked him what father\u2019s day means to him this year.\u00a0 His answer: \u201cBeing a father is my utmost blessing in life, I adore my little miracle!\u201d<\/p>\n

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