{"id":3008,"date":"2011-03-18T15:23:35","date_gmt":"2011-03-18T13:23:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents-blog\/?p=3008"},"modified":"2022-06-16T16:40:17","modified_gmt":"2022-06-16T14:40:17","slug":"proud-to-be-a-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/fatherhood\/proud-to-be-a-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"Proud to be a dad"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know that the subject of children in divorced homes has been thrashed to death, but it\u2019s such an important and provocative subject.<\/p>\n

I am the father of an only daughter, 13 years old (ouch!), who just happens to be the most rocking child on the planet. She is balanced, and loves spending time with her mother, AND with me. I should mention that we are divorced. This has been achieved by putting a few principles in place.<\/p>\n

(1)\u00a0 \u00a0It\u2019s ALWAYS about your child<\/strong> \u2013 always \u2013 I know this is easier said than done, and in the beginning, it is SO difficult not to use your child as a negotiating tool with your newly \u201cexed\u201d. It\u2019s tough not to feel like you are being used. You are the adult \u2013 act like it!<\/p>\n

(2)\u00a0 \u00a0Never bad-mouth the other parent<\/strong> in front of your child. Do that when your child is not with you, with the greatest pleasure, but never when your baby is with you. Apart from the obvious, all it does is weaken your childs comfort base. They don\u2019t know whether to show solidarity with you, their beloved Dad (or Mom) or to protect the other parent, or to withdraw.<\/p>\n

(3)\u00a0 \u00a0Parents \u2013 keep reminding yourselves,<\/strong> and your exes that personal feelings\u00a0 towards each other mean nothing. If nothing else, you have a moral responsibility to focus on your child and to give them the best that you can.<\/p>\n

(4)\u00a0 Don’t feel guilty about the split home<\/strong>. We have used this to our advantage. So, when Josie(the rocking daughter) is with her Mom, then she does girly stuff \u2013 they shop, constantly. They talk, all the time, they do crafty (as in arts and crafts) things. They are girls. But, when Josie comes to me, we ride motor bikes, go water skiing, watch tv, love rugby, go camping. Which does Josie prefer? Neither \u2013 she LOVES both worlds.<\/p>\n

Finally, encourage your child to express when they miss the other parent \u2013 its not because she \/ he doesn\u2019t want to be with you, it\u2019s because she misses her parent \u2013 don’t take stuff personally \u2013 this way, she will be more comfortable, you will be her confidant. Just like her other parent is. It\u2019s NOT a competition.<\/p>\n

If you do nothing else, constantly add value in your childs life \u2013 this creates bonds.<\/p>\n

Hopefully, if you can get all of this right, you will have a child, that on seeing you, throws herself into your arms and loves you unconditionally.<\/p>\n

Have fun \u2013 your kids rock \u2013 BIG time!<\/p>\n

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