{"id":14319,"date":"2017-02-11T07:05:23","date_gmt":"2017-02-11T05:05:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=14319"},"modified":"2022-06-21T12:52:22","modified_gmt":"2022-06-21T10:52:22","slug":"when-parenting-takes-the-oh-out-of-romance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/romance\/when-parenting-takes-the-oh-out-of-romance\/","title":{"rendered":"When parenting takes the Oh! out of romance"},"content":{"rendered":"

I almost said No. Write an article on \u2018how to keep romance alive with kids around\u2019? <\/span>Me?<\/em> Oy. I asked my husband (vaguely hoping he\u2019d agree to write the article), and he had no idea. But, with the topic incubating in my head in the intervening week, I had a revelation, which I\u2019ll share with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

First, some background. My husband and I met on a blind date. It lasted five hours and he told me, during that date, that he was going to marry me. We knew within three months that he was right, and we were engaged after eight months. Our relationship continued much as it began: ro-man-TIC\u2026<\/p>\n

Weekly date nights. Monthly gifts. Stolen lunchtimes. Big and small surprises.<\/p>\n

Three years later we were parents. And today, ten years in, romance in the heart-clutching sense seems more relevant to cheesy TV, than it does to two ou toppies<\/em> living in the eye of the parenting \/ working \/ surviving storm.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s because our romance is no longer \u2018traditional\u2019.<\/p>\n

You may recognise these behaviours (which for me count as romance) in your relationship:<\/h2>\n
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  1. Shared smiles over a child\u2019s head when they do or say something adorable<\/li>\n
  2. Stolen time whenever you can, for a weekly, monthly or even yearly \u2018date night\u2019<\/li>\n
  3. Acts of service. This, one of the 5 Love Languages\u00ae (find yours here<\/a>), refers to anything you do to consciously ease the burden of responsibilities on your partner. When my husband fixes things in the house, especially without me nagging him, that\u2019s his way of showing real love.<\/li>\n
  4. Compliments<\/li>\n
  5. Heartfelt words or home-made gifts for a birthday, anniversary, or \u2018just because\u2019<\/li>\n
  6. Playing games together \u2013 whether your thing is card games and board games, or dress-up-and-don\u2019t-tell games. You know the kind I mean.<\/li>\n
  7. Shared showers<\/li>\n
  8. Hugs, snuggles and held hands<\/li>\n
  9. Undivided attention and quality conversation over a meal, hobby or exercise<\/li>\n
  10. Kept promises<\/li>\n
  11. Shared laughter, which goes a long way towards fostering intimacy<\/li>\n
  12. Making sacrifices, large or small, for each other\u2019s happiness or wellbeing<\/li>\n
  13. Bringing an unsolicited cup of coffee into the bedroom in the morning<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    As I look at this list, I realise that parents need each other\u2019s time<\/em>, in order to experience romance. Whether it\u2019s a night out or five minutes of meaningful eye contact (without children, cellphones or computers in the way), real and sustained connection comes from all of those moments, added up.<\/p>\n

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    https:\/\/batonrougefamilyfun.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    My husband told me last night that, when you\u2019re dating, romance tends to be about \u2018impressing the other person\u2019 \u2013 whether that\u2019s with thoughtful gifts, fancy meals, good looks, your social circle, or even sheer sparkling wit.<\/p>\n

    On that basis, then, when you\u2019re co-parenting, romance is about simply seeing, hearing and touching the other person, and about prioritising the finding or making of all of the little and big moments needed to do that.<\/p>\n

    Below, please share some of the signs of romance in your relationship.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    This article was originally written for Jozikids by Tiffany Markman in 2017.<\/em><\/p>\n

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