{"id":14272,"date":"2017-01-16T20:56:02","date_gmt":"2017-01-16T18:56:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=14272"},"modified":"2022-06-09T19:59:41","modified_gmt":"2022-06-09T17:59:41","slug":"have-we-lost-the-parenting-plot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/being-present\/have-we-lost-the-parenting-plot\/","title":{"rendered":"Have we lost the parenting plot?"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019m not really into New Year\u2019s resolutions, they never work for me.\u00a0 <\/span>I end up disappointing myself because I don\u2019t have the tenacity to see things through.\u00a0 This year though I have one thing I\u2019d like to change and that one thing might just impact on everything else that happens in my life.\u00a0\u00a0 Here\u2019s why\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

When my son, aged 11, came home from the first day of school last week, he seemed a bit unhappy or frustrated.\u00a0 I was more concerned about the tons of books he brought home for me to cover and label and went straight into getting this mammoth task completed.\u00a0 I asked the blanket question, \u2018how was your day?\u2019 and then without really listening to the answer or watching the \u2018almost in tears\u2019 expression, I carried on with what I was doing.\u00a0 I realise now that I do this almost all the time (hard to admit, but sadly true).\u00a0 I\u2019m always<\/i> caught up in the admin of things, because in a way that\u2019s what I feel my \u2018job\u2019 is (as in always<\/i> \u2013 eyes open to eyes shut).\u00a0 The person who feeds, clothes, baths, cleans, you know, pretty much the administrator of the kids and the household.\u00a0 I am also very much preoccupied with doing these things because they always need to be done and I often think \u2018who else is going to do it?\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

This is the biggest, saddest mistake of all.\u00a0 Sure, all that<\/i> needs to be done but never at the expense of quality dialogue and time with my kids or my husband for that matter.\u00a0 When dad came home later and asked about how everyone\u2019s day was, and he did it very differently to how I had, the frustration and tears came out and dad did his part of calming things down and making our son feel better.\u00a0 Admittedly, once again, dad has great EQ when it comes to the kids.\u00a0 <\/span>I hadn\u2019t even gotten the chance to whine about the school books and how the GDE fails to make standard sized books (grrrrr) when lightning struck the sellotape out my hand!\u00a0 I need to stop being so preoccupied and truly be present.\u00a0 And when I thought about it I thought about all the many things I fail to experience because of my preoccupation with the admin of things.<\/span><\/p>\n

So what I\u2019ve learned is that my preoccupation with and obsessive need to keep things organised and controlled is where my failure lies in being a better parent.\u00a0 My kids need me<\/i>, not my clean house or clean clothes (food they always need!)\u00a0 They need someone to comfort them, love them, praise them, HEAR them and to drop everything and play soccer with them.\u00a0 <\/span>This shouldn\u2019t be a chore at all, because as little beings that have so much to deal with, my kids need a mum who is present with her mind more than her body.\u00a0 <\/span>And guess what, all that other stuff, it hasn\u2019t been done either and it still nags away at me, but I will learn in time to let go of that too.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Here\u2019s to a more mindful year of parenting <\/span>and less sweating the small stuff<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

This article was originally written for Jozikids by Fatima Kazee in 2017.<\/em><\/p>\n

Note: If you enjoyed this article, and would like to stay updated with more, you can:<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n