{"id":13736,"date":"2016-06-13T23:01:23","date_gmt":"2016-06-13T21:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/responsive.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents\/?p=13736"},"modified":"2022-06-16T07:43:02","modified_gmt":"2022-06-16T05:43:02","slug":"a-fathers-challenge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/fatherhood\/a-fathers-challenge\/","title":{"rendered":"A father’s challenge"},"content":{"rendered":"

Everyday I wake up to the intimidating knowledge that I am a father; intimidating because, while I derive great pleasure out of seeing my children grow, I\u2019m still convinced that I might not be doing a great job. These doubts come when I see a wounded look on my eight-year-old daughter, Asante\u2019s face and realise that it is linked to my refusal to give her my iPad to connect with the Top Model site. And then when I relent and she disappears for hours on end, I suffer the anxiety of not knowing who she\u2019s connected to, conjuring in my head the image of some predatory no-goodnik who preys on small girls pretending to be an innocent correspondent.<\/p>\n

I grew up in KwaMashu township in Durban at a time when kids had to fend for themselves and there was zero reliance on parents. This taught us to be adventurous and seek knowledge anywhere we could find it. Some of my friends did stumble on experiences, which had a devastating effect on their lives; I was lucky because I found books and the magical world they opened up for me.\u00a0There\u00a0are\u00a0times\u00a0Asante shows\u00a0me what she’s reading.\u00a0When she was reading\u00a0Gcina Mhlope’s fables and legends we’d swop stories,\u00a0with me sharing some of my earlier experiences with books, which were largely unavailable.\u00a0Reading\u00a0“Sipho Goes to School” there was some excitement about jazz musician Sipho “Hotstix” Mabuse, in his sixties, going back to do his Matric,\u00a0and\u00a0Asante asked me if this book was inspired by the musician’s decision.<\/p>\n

Turning our backs on the formal curricula of apartheid in the 1970s we concentrated as much as possible on what was on offer from other jurisdictions. We learnt that there was a continent of Africa, which the world mined for slaves and whatever\u00a0else\u00a0it\u00a0deemed\u00a0valuable. I learnt,\u00a0however that the sons and daughters of those slaves were writing books and teaching the world how to be human.\u00a0Writers from different parts of the world \u00a0revealed\u00a0what was masked and hidden by the warped\u00a0imagination of the architects of Bantu Education.\u00a0 Adaora Lily Ulasi\u2019s\u00a0Many Thing You No Understand,\u00a0<\/em>written in pidgin English, alerted me to the creative use of language and that English was no longer the sole preserve of the English.\u00a0By the time I went to university I knew about Kenya from Jomo Jenyatta, Ngugi wa Thiong\u2019o, Grace Ogot, Nigeria from Buchi Emecheta, Flora Nwapa<\/p>\n

Growing up the way I did taught me vigilance against anything that seeks to harm children and that adults, even well-meaning ones, should always come with a health warning when let loose among impressionable minds.\u00a0 I know I cannot protect my children from the world and its various brands of lunacy\u00a0completely, but I can exhort them to learn\u00a0widely, to consume books and to be open to the talents that exist in the world\u00a0beyond their own experience, and to\u00a0reflect on every encounter and incident.\u00a0\u00a0When the scars of past injuries start itching, when it is possible to harm others through careless language, I take out a book\u00a0from\u00a0my growing-up years, perhaps James Baldwin\u2019s\u00a0Go Tell it on the Mountain<\/em>\u00a0or Tony Morrison\u2019s\u00a0Tar Baby<\/em><\/p>\n

My\u00a0anxiety about my daughter\u00a0visiting Top Model\u00a0is lessened as she’s also shown me that the iPad contains much more than\u00a0mere\u00a0frivolity; she’s made the connection between the books she loans from the school library and their adaptation into films\u00a0like\u00a0Roald Dahl’s Matilda. I see all this enhancing her vocabulary. The language of books becomes the adopted language of the child. At a recent book launch\u00a0in\u00a0Hyde Park, I asked\u00a0Asante\u00a0if she had eaten as there were snacks laid out.\u00a0Her response,\u00a0“I didn’t comprehend at the time that the food was for everybody,” I was glad she had found a new word to bandy about.<\/p>\n

Note: If you enjoyed this article, and would like to stay updated with more, you can:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n