{"id":117564,"date":"2020-11-02T12:43:09","date_gmt":"2020-11-02T10:43:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/zaparents-blog\/?p=117564"},"modified":"2022-09-20T19:55:41","modified_gmt":"2022-09-20T17:55:41","slug":"reward-your-kids-the-right-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/parenting\/positive-parenting\/reward-your-kids-the-right-way\/","title":{"rendered":"Reward your kid for always being a star!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">In an age of materialism and instant gratification, it can be tricky knowing how to reward your kid appropriately for a job well done. How do we reward them for tidying their rooms effectively or performing well at a particular task? <\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">How to reward your kid in the right way<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">There are a few ways in which you can reward your child and build their self-esteem.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Develop your child\u2019s internal locus of control<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Naturally, we would love our children to do something well purely for the satisfaction that it brings them in doing so. This is what we, as parents, aim for eventually and is called developing the child\u2019s internal locus of control \u2013 in other words, doing something from within because the result feels good. If we build this, they will be more motivated to succeed as they will attribute their success to their own efforts and abilities.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">However, we all know that to eventually inculcate an internal locus of control in our children, it starts with an external locus of control \u2013 in other words, children doing things for rewards.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Praise specific behaviours <\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The most basic form of reward starts early and is one that is easily forgotten, and that is praise. When we praise our children for doing something well, it motivates them to continue trying in that area. There are different forms of recognition, but the most effective is those that describe the behaviour that we want to see the child doing more of, for example:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">\u201cI love how you started doing your homework without me asking you to.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">\u201cI love how you put away all your Lego blocks.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">One of the best ways to shape a child\u2019s negative behaviour is by \u2018catching them being good\u2019 and then commenting on it as the child starts to try harder to gain more of that positive feedback. Praising the child\u2019s efforts and not the result is an essential part of praising \u2013 as again, this motivates children to try harder.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Avoid arbitrary praise<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">It is crucial that we don\u2019t just praise willy-nilly, for instance, just telling our children that they are pretty, talented, smart, etc. as that can create a subconscious pressure always to be that way and to become scared of failure if not achieving on that level. That is why praise that describes specific behaviours is so much healthier and more motivating and gives them the positive concept of someone who always tries and, in that way, achieves results. We want our children to learn that rewards are not something that just happens but require some form of input and effort to gain them.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Reward desirable behaviour <\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The aim for the parent is to mould a desirable behaviour; the aim for the child is to get something they want, so everybody wins when we reward desirable behaviour. There are several ways in which to do this, including:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Star charts<\/strong> are an age-old form of giving rewards as the child must do something consistently to achieve the reward. For younger children, star charts should not go on for longer than five days before the child gets the reward they are working towards, as it can be difficult to sustain the effort. When children are given stars, tokens, or stickers to get to the final goal, it motivates them to continue working towards the goal.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Contingency rewarding<\/strong> is also helpful such as the child being allowed to gain or do something when they have done something we require. For instance: \u201cMom, can I go on my iPad now?\u201d \u201cAs soon as your homework is done, you can use the iPad with pleasure.\u201d Quid pro quo rewarding like this is just a shortened form of star charts and teaches children to prioritise by first doing what must be done before doing what they would like to do. This starts to prepare them for the higher grades where there is often far more work and more things to fit in.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Extra time<\/strong> on various activities is an easy, useful way to reward our children. Sometimes it can be challenging to think of rewards for our children but giving them extra time in addition to what they may be allowed per day doing something they love like soccer, technology, or screen time is a good incentive. Again, this can work in a quid pro quo way of motivating them to push a little harder to get a little more of what they want.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-size: 18.6667px;\">Reward your kid appropriately<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The most important thing is to know your child\u2019s currency as that gives you leverage as the parent. Rewarding them with things they already have free access to is not motivating but rewarding them with something they really want is a useful form of motivation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">If they hate marshmallows, promising them marshmallows when they have finished the task is useless, so make sure you know what your child loves but be rational. You are not promising a trip to Disney Land for tidying up their room or finishing their homework successfully. However, after successive efforts at doing their homework effectively, they may earn a trip to get ice cream or go to see a movie.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Rewards must be appropriate and attuned to your child\u2019s desires, for example:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Screen time, special activities or outings are ideal for younger children<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Airtime or data might be more appropriate for older children<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Simple rewards can also include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Getting their favourite treat in their lunch box<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Choosing their favourite dinner<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Choosing a movie to watch with the family<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Going somewhere with mom or dad, e.g. the war museum, a skateboard park, taking the dogs for a walk, etc.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The rewards listed above are all easy, healthy rewards. The important lesson is that they are working to gain something worthwhile.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Eventually, our children will move to an internal locus of control where they want to achieve. Where seeing the fruits of their efforts and feeling the satisfaction that comes from that is more than good enough. Until then, we need to be creative in our efforts, always keeping in mind what goal we want to achieve in rewarding them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Note: If you enjoyed this article, and would like to stay updated with more, you can:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Subscribe to our free weekly Jozikids\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/member-registration\/\">newsletter<\/a>\u00a0 for parents in Gauteng<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Like us on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jozikids.co.za\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">facebook<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Follow us on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/instagram.com\/jozikids?igshid=1n8cwedrewul\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">instagram<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In an age of materialism and instant gratification, it can be tricky knowing how to reward your kid appropriately for a job well done. How do we reward them for tidying their rooms effectively or performing well at a particular task?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":250,"featured_media":134017,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[237],"tags":[792],"class_list":["post-117564","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-positive-parenting","tag-reward-your-kids"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117564","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/250"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=117564"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117564\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/134017"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=117564"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=117564"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jozikids.co.za\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=117564"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}